


i need to tell you that it's alright

by Woahsos



Series: gotta get it in my head (i'll never be 16 again) [2]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Calum and Ashton are only mentioned, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Loneliness, M/M, Not really a hopeful ending, Panic Attacks, Sad Luke Hemmings, i guess is more like it, kind of college au, more projecting onto fic, terrible tag i hate that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:41:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26689822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Woahsos/pseuds/Woahsos
Summary: They still talk. Michael FaceTimes Luke regularly, actually. He’s always asking what Luke’s work schedule is so he can call him as soon as he gets off. They don’t always talk; sometimes Luke just sits there, reading or looking at his laptop, while Michael does his homework, which Luke thinks is nice. It’s nice to know that Michael is there, to feel the ghost of his presence.orMaybe Luke doesn't have to worry about Michael being away at college. Or maybe he does. It's hard to tell.
Relationships: Michael Clifford/Luke Hemmings
Series: gotta get it in my head (i'll never be 16 again) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1942180
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	i need to tell you that it's alright

They still talk. Michael FaceTimes Luke regularly, actually. He’s always asking what Luke’s work schedule is so he can call him as soon as he gets off. They don’t always talk; sometimes Luke just sits there, reading or looking at his laptop, while Michael does his homework, which Luke thinks is nice. It’s nice to know that Michael is there, to feel the ghost of his presence. 

Despite this, Luke feels insufferably lonely. Most days, when he gets home from work, he locks himself in his room and barely comes out to eat. He reads, listens to music, rewatches old shows. Occasionally, he’ll leave the house to pick up some groceries. The days that Michael doesn’t call, Luke barely speaks. 

He thinks that he should be more worried about himself, but he’s not. He doesn’t have the energy to be.

Calum and Ashton post on their Snapchat stories, videos and pictures with their new college friends. It hurts Luke a little every time he sees one, because he’s barely even texted them. They don’t seem too interested in what he’s up to, unenthusiastic whenever they do text, but Luke’s trying to be happy for him.

Michael also posts a lot, but it’s on his private story. He makes dumb update videos that Luke finds incredibly endearing, if only because he gets to hear Michael’s voice. It’s a good thing Snapchat doesn’t tell you how many times someone views your story, or Luke would be fucked. But Michael also posts pictures and videos with his friends, hanging out and getting food and going biking around campus. Things they used to do. Which is so stupid to be jealous of because they’re such mundane things that Luke could literally do with his brothers if he wanted. 

But he doesn’t want to. He wants to do them with Michael. Michael made them seem less mundane, more adventurous. It made Luke feel wanted, needed, because late night trips to get food were the few times Michael would open up and be vulnerable. The thought that he has other friends for that now makes Luke want to cry, because that would make him useless to Michael.

Except, one night, Luke gets a text from Michael.

_ Are you awake? _

Luke checks the time; it’s midnight and he has work in the morning, but Michael never asks if he’s awake unless it’s serious.

_ Yeah _

_ Can I call you? _

And, fuck, Luke has to get up in like six hours. He should’ve already been asleep. But Michael needs him.

Luke calls him without texting back.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, and hears Michael take in a shuddering breath, gasping almost, like he’s been drowning. Luke sits up in his bed. “Michael?”

“I don’t know,” Michael starts. His voice is thick and whiny, distressed. “I don’t know. I’m so fucking stupid. I had so many assignments due today and I couldn’t get any of them done, and my chem teacher told me I should probably drop his class after the first test but I thought I could do it and now I think he was right and-”

“Michael,” Luke cuts off. Michael’s still breathing way too heavily, too quickly, whimpering, and Luke’s afraid he’s going to pass out. It wouldn’t be the first time, Michael calling him, panicking, and then the line going dead for about two minutes until Michael regains consciousness. He really doesn’t want that to happen, so he tries again. “Michael, you’re not stupid-”

“No I am,  _ I am _ . And I have a call with my family tomorrow and they’re going to ask about my grades and I don’t want to tell them. My dad’s going to be so disappointed, and I have so many tests tomorrow and-” He cuts himself off with another horrible breath that pierces at Luke’s heart.

Lying in the pitch blackness of his room, Michael’s panicking the only noise, Luke feels utterly helpless. He’s trying to rack his brain on how he can get Michael to calm down but nothing’s coming up. Right now, he just needs Michael to stop spiralling.

“Michael, listen. Listen to my voice. Breathe.” Michael gasps. Luke hates it. “How about I tell you about my day until you’ve calmed down? And then we can figure things out, okay?”

“Okay,” Michael whimpers. It’s pitiful, broken, downtrodden. Luke closes his eyes, not that it helps considering there’s no lights on in his room. He just wants Michael here with him, so he can hold him until he calms down. It would definitely cross a line with them, but it’s not like they’d ever acknowledge it anyways. Michael wouldn’t, at least. And Luke would be nervous to try.

But Michael’s stopped rambling, so he starts, “Well, some kid came in with books he wanted to donate and one of the covers was completely ripped off. I’m not sure how he expected us to sell that.”

Michael gives a watery laugh, which makes Luke feel a little better. He smiles to himself. “What did you do with it?” Michael asks.

“We’ll see if any other used book stores will take it. If not, then we’ll probably try to donate it to a nearby prison.”

“Oh, that’s cool,” Michael says. His breathing is still a little frantic, but his voice is sounding more stable.

“Yeah,” Luke starts, racking his brain for things he can say. “The cutest little girl came in asking for books on American history. Like, chapter books and biographies that are normally for college students.”

Michael laughs again. They go on like that for a bit, Luke telling stories about his day, Michael occasionally interjecting with questions about his job. He tells Michael about some stupid prank Jack played on Ben the other day. 

Luke feels a bit strange, his eyes never having completely adjusted to the darkness, making it seem like he’s surrounded by nothing. If Michael’s breathing wasn’t so loud, Luke would think he was talking into a void. It’s unsettling, and Luke feels like he’s a little too trapped in his own body.

When Michael’s breathing has evened out, Luke asks, “Do you think you should drop your chemistry class?”

“I don’t know,” Michael says. Luke’s on high alert for any sign of distress or discomfort in Michael’s voice. “We have a quiz tomorrow and a test at the end of the week, so I might see how that goes.”

“Okay. So what’s worrying you the most right now?” Luke asks.

Michael breathes in deeply, also trying to keep himself from panicking again. “I just don’t have the motivation to finish my assignments, or I can’t focus on them.”

“Well, let’s make a list.” Michael lets out a questioning hum. “Let’s make a list of the assignments you need to complete in the immediate future. And then, tomorrow, when I get off work, we’ll get on FaceTime and I’ll edit one of Jack’s essays while you do your homework.”

Michael agrees. He lists out which assignments are due when and puts them on a list, ranking which ones feel most important or will take the most time. Luke barely has to do anything, only occasionally reassure or suggest that one assignment go before the other, and he’s really proud of Michael. He’s smiling the whole time Michael makes his list, which feels kind of dumb, but it just feels like they’ve come a long way from a few minutes ago. And Michael has never been this organized before, would never plan out his assignments in high school.

“College sucks,” Michael says when he’s gone through every assignment due in the next two days. Luke hums, not really sure what to say because he doesn’t really know. “I miss my family. I miss  _ you _ .”

Luke’s breath hitches because that was a little too earnest for Michael, for them. The moment feels too delicate, but what else is Luke supposed to say? “I miss you too.” 

“Thank you, for everything,” Michael says.

“It’s nothing,” Luke responds, quietly. He doesn’t like this sincerity, they’ve never done this before. He doesn’t know how to handle it. He’s preparing for Michael to make a joke that’ll crack Luke’s heart.

“You’ve helped me more than I’ve ever helped you,” Michael says. He sounds sad about it, disappointed in himself.

Luke gets a little satisfaction from that, considering that it’s kind of true. Michael would never be able to help Luke through something like this in a serious manner. He would distract Luke from it, calm him down a bit and then try to make him laugh and forget about it, rather than actually help him work through it. He just wouldn’t know how. And Luke knows that, and he appreciates Michael’s friendship anyway, so he just says, “Oh, stop.”

It’s silent for a bit. Luke’s not going to be the one to break it, though, in case Michael still needs him. He checks the clock on his nightstand. It’s almost two in the morning now. Luke has to be up at work in five hours.

“I’ll let you go,” Michael says, “I know you have work in the morning.”

“Okay. I’ll FaceTime you tomorrow, when I get off, yeah?”

“Yeah. Bye Luke.”

Michael hangs up before Luke can say it back.

They do FaceTime when Luke gets off. Michael’s already gotten a good portion of his homework done. They work in silence. Luke finishes editing Jack’s essay. Michael’s getting ready to grab food.

“Do you work tomorrow?” He asks.

“Nope,” Luke answers.

“Cool, I’ll probably FaceTime you tomorrow.” And he hangs up.

As Luke sits there in the sudden silence, he realizes that all his insecurities and doubts have been a bit unfounded. There’s a reason Michael called him in the midst of his breakdown. He would never trust college friends or anyone else to see him like that and know how to handle it. To handle him. Luke and Michael have a deeper connection that always leads them back to each other.

That’s what Luke keeps telling himself when Michael doesn’t call him the next day. And when Michael only wants to call late at night when Luke’s getting ready for bed. And when they don’t talk for the next two weeks.

**Author's Note:**

> uhh,,,sorry  
> find me on tumblr @escapesos  
> kudos and comments are always appreciated
> 
> title from "never be" by 5sos


End file.
